Josiah's transition to a pacifier-free life has not come easily. His former bedtime of 7 or 7:30 has morphed into a 7:30 put-him-into-bed-time but a 9:30 finally-give-up-and-go-to-sleep-time. So, I often put him in bed with me, grateful for an excuse to go to bed early myself. We snuggle together, his cold feet sandwiched between my warm legs, and drift off together for an extra-long, worry-free night.
I burrow under the covers, pulling the blankets over my head, but forming a tiny tunnel into the outside world...right by my nose so I can still breathe easily. I love being here: warm, soft, safe. It's my escape of choice these days. No more crying. Just sleep. Disconnected from the thoughts and regrets and "what ifs."
I wonder how long the relief will last. How long until my responsibilities and longing for reality overtake the refuge of sleep. Until that time, I continue, knowing that I cannot to escape from the love of One who knows the pain and offers not just sleep but rest.
3 comments:
Oh Jaena - - - how I wish I could help.
I too use sleep as an escape - - - I TOLD you we were twins.
And I don't remember how much I've told you of it - - - but I had YEARS of deep pain in my marriage too - - - I think of it as the long, dark tunnel.
I just found your comment on my blog AFTER I came and left you the other comment above.
We didn't go all the way back to Marion. Keri and Jason met us on the north side of Chicago this afternoon.
BUT - - - I think a long reunion at La Chars is DEFINITELY in order - - - and as SOON as I come back for a visit. I KNOW we'll be in Indiana in August, our son Kelly is getting married then.
Jaena, if you would go into your profile and make sure you have your e-mail address on there (it won't show, only a link to it) then I could directly answer your comments with an e-mail.
Also - - - I think maybe you could use an e-mail buddy way off up in Wisconsin who can just listen and love you and you don't have to WORRY about running into her face to face at Walmart or something.
I love you and I care.
This comment is from my MIL, sent to me via e-mail:
Keetha, I made comment and it wouldn't allow me to post it on Jaena's blog but tell her how happy I was to see the "teacup" as I had been thinking about her. Tell Mugshot I said "hi" and that it was like running into a long lost friend when I saw her teacup on your blog.
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