Loneliness

One of the most difficult transitions for me as a single parent has been adapting to being alone. It's interesting that even with 3 kids around I can still feel lonely.

I blame it partly on my personality; I am an extreme extrovert. Being with people makes me feel secure. But it's not practical or possible to have people around all of the time. My friends have their own families and responsibilities.

I complained to a mentor about my loneliness, but instead of offering symapthy, she told me to invite people over...to make new friends. It was good advice, though not what I expected (or wanted) to hear. I have tried it. Inviting "strangers" and aquaintances over. It's intimidating. And vulnerable. And a bit risky. But it's worth it: I have new friends now that I did not have 6 months ago, which is an amazing blessing.

I have also been challenged to practice solitude, to discipline myself to not have to be with people. Rarely, this happens by my choice; more often I call and text and try to find someone to hang out with and it turns out everyone is busy. So, by default, I spend time alone. I wish I could say that I alwyas make the most of this time: reading scripture, praying, journaling. Sometimes, I try to clean or organize or get something accomplished. Sometimes I seek out "community" on Facebook. And sometimes I just watch movies or go to bed.

Regardless of how I feel, I know that I am truly never alone. I wrote the following poem in college to submit to our campus journal. It describes the paradox I often feel and the truth I know.

Alone.

Not really,

Just by myself.

You are here

So there are two:

Together,

Alone.