Margins

I had actually started another post, but the draft accidentally got erased when Elisha and his cousin Anna were playing computer games tonight. Maybe tomorrow...but for tonight, the topic is margins.

I just finished reading a play by play of my cousin Deb's day. Packed full. Every minute. Every day, in fact. I remember the feeling. Going from one thing to another with no time to spare, sometimes arriving late at an event because it was not humanly possible (without creating a rift in the space-time continuum) to get everywhere on time. I remember that "stressed out feeling" and the overly tired feeling at the end of a long day. I remember having a short fuse because I had so much to accomplish that if something didn't go exactly right, it would mess everything up.

It's not that I don't have full days now, my days are just full of different things...usually "at home" things that might not get done at all. Sometimes, in fact, my days can drag by and be full of nothing (or at least that is what it seems I have accomplished at the end of the day when I am trying to make a mental list.)

Anyways, all of this to say that I am learning that what my life needed - and still needs - are "margins." You know, like the margins in a book: space at the edges that keeps the words from running off the page. Can you imagine reading a book that had no margins with letters filling every last inch of the sheet? It would be difficult and would probably give you a headache.

In the same way we, too often, live our lives with no margins: filling every last second of our days and weeks. It's no wonder that time seems to go by so much faster as we get older; we fill it up. When I was a child, it seemed that I had more time to play, to think, to rest, to do nothing even. But as I grew, the task-oriented side of me became obessed with what I could DO and how much I could squeeze into the 24 hours of each day. It was fulfilling to know that I had accomplished something - many things. But at what expense? My husband, my children, myself?

It's not that I have perfectly incorporated margins into my life; I still have days where I try to do too much in too little time and I make myself (and my family) crazy. But I think I am learning some things...

1. At times, the best thing I can do is say "No," as in "No, I cannot help with that project" or "No, I will not be able to attend that event." How freeing to learn that I don't have to say yes to everything (and it only took me 35 years!)
2. My worth is not determined by what I do therefore I do not have to do everything. (refer to #1.)
3. Having "free time" or unscheduled time does not mean I am lazy. I grew up with a strong work ethic and can tend to feel guilty for relaxing or not doing something all the time. I don't need to.
4. Planning in extra time leaves room for the unexpected: spill or accident, forgotten items, traffic, etc...
5. Living with margins also leaves room for relationships because I can take time to spend with people (family, friends, or even strangers) since my schedule is not maxed out.

I am sure there is more, but this is a start. I have to admit that some margins are built in more easily as a stay at home mom, but it still takes some discipline. And, looking back to the even more precarious balance of work and motherhood, I wish I had practiced margins a bit better before.

What about you? Any thoughts or ways that you create margins in your life?