Twelve

There are some things in life I have chosen without a complete understanding of what I was getting into. For example:

Marriage - I am convinced that no one is totally aware of what "becoming one" with another person really means.

Pregnancy - did anyone else have the feeling you were on a roller coaster, riding up to the top of a huge hill and it was impossible to get off? I mean, you knew the ride down would be a rush (scary, fun, energizing, nauseating); but a part of you wanted to scream, "I'm not ready!" or "Let me off!" and you realized it was too late. Or maybe that was just me...

Parenting - enough said.

For me, fasting has become another choice that I made with good intentions but without full knowledge of what it would entail.

Am I glad I did it? Yes.

Is it harder than I thought? For sure.

But I feel the same way about the other three decisions listed above. They were harder than I thought they would be, but better than I thought as well. And I don't regret any of them.

I'm wondering if perhaps God offers special grace to a person who has the faith to try to do more than they understand.

Who says, "God, I love you; and I want to do this for you. I'm not sure how it is all going to play out, but I will do it for you. For your glory. For your honor. And for you to grow me and stretch me. I'm yours."

I took my pocket calendar out today and numbered the 40 days of my fast. It was a little disheartening to see that I am not even one-third of the way done. I am just finishing day twelve.

Really? Because it seems like longer than that to me.

I want to live in the now, but I also want to eat chocolate.

I want to remember people who eat rice and beans daily and who do not have enough, but I am tired of rice and beans.

I want to live sacrificially and generously, but I fight against desires that are greedy and self-centered.

So I'm trusting. (My word for this year.)

Trusting that God fully knew what I was committing to. And that it is in his power and by his grace alone that I can do any good thing.

Thanks be to God.