Odd

It turned out that the piece for which I was interviewed was on the front page of our local paper last Friday. The reporter was quite articulate and did a nice job putting the article together. So a few friends have been commenting on the paper and teasing me, asking me to sign a copy and all.

Then today, I received an envelope addressed to me with no return address that contained the following:

* a neatly trimmed copy of the article

* a recipe for Taco Pie that appears to have been cut out of a magazine

* an evangelistic tract titled "What If" that asks "What if...your life were to end today? Are you 100% certain that you would go to Heaven?"

A friend who was here when I opened the mail noted that the postal stamp if from Indianapolis, Indiana and things mailed locally go through Kokomo.

So, I don't know what to make of this. Here are some possible theories I have so far:

A. Some who knows me wanted me to have a copy of the article and a new recipe to try. For lent their have pledged to hand out one evangelistic tract a day, so I was their person for that day. They work in Indy and mailed it from there.

B. Someone who does not know me wanted me to have a copy of the article. They read that I was a single mom, so they included a new recipe for me to try. They were unclear of my spiritual commitment since the article shared that I use to work as a children's pastor and now teach at a local school, so they included the tract.

C. Someone I may or may not know wanted me to have a copy of the article. They read that I am a single mom and concluded that I am obviously living in sin because I either have had children out of wedlock or I am divorced. Either way, the tract would take care of that issue, and they threw in the recipe to seem more kind.

D. What do YOU think?

Date

Two tickets to see Mark Lowry at the Honeywell Center: $32.00.

Fuel to drive to Wabash: $10.00.

Dinner from MCDonald's drive thru: $8.10.

Water and Cheetos (and orange fingers) at intermission:$4.00.

Having my nine year-old son turn to look at me and say "I love you, mom." five times during the concert: Priceless.

Today

A couple of highlights from my day...

After a busy day helping with our Black History Month Fair, I was exhausted this morning and did the very minimal in getting ready: I didn't take time for make up and I did not dry or straighten my hair, so it was curly/wavy.

Less than an hour into my day, I began to regret that decision when a fourth grade girl in my Success group said, "Your hair is crazy today Ms. Womack."

"I know." I replied. "Do you think you can help me?"

"Yes." she offered, but our science practice test for ISTEP prevented me from taking her up on her offer.

Fast forward 2 hours into my morning when I enter a first grade class and am greeted by a sweet boy who matter-of-factly observed, "Bad hair day, huh?"

"Yes," I agreed. "I am having a a bad hair day." I laughed with the classroom teacher and made a mental note to blow dry my hair from now on.

The day progressed uneventfully until after school when I unexpectedly I found myself the subject of an interview. Our local newspaper is doing a series of Marion residents, and I was happily answering questions about my life when the reporter mentioned getting a photograph. "Are you kidding?" I asked. "No way!" (Just kidding.)

I graciously posed for a photo with a small group of students and learned a bit more about humility today. I have to admit that I have my alarm set and plan to be much more prepared tomorrow...just in case.

Hope

One Sunday morning in January, our worship leader shared about how someone challenged her to pick a key word or phrase for the upcoming year. I listened as she described contemplating the idea and finally selecting a theme for 2012. As she talked one word kept running through my mind: hope.

The past few years have been long and difficult. God has provided many things: peace, joy, forgiveness, rest. But this year, I am claiming hope. Hope for the future. Hope for redemption. Hope in the One who has all things under His control and who loves me immensely.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6

Message

Our family is blessed to sponsor two Compassion children: both from Ghana, but who each share the same birthday as our two eldest children. Elisha and Madelyn think having "birthday twins" is pretty great. We regularly receive letters from the kids, usually a few times a year corresponding (though a couple of months after due to translating and travel time) certain holidays (Easter, Christmas, and maybe summer vacation).

Today we received a letter from Gloria, our five year old. The letter is a form letter with her answers and thoughts written in by an adult teacher or social worker. Her "Message for my sponsor" made my heart jump and my throat tighten:

"Gloria prays to God that anything you have lost due to some circumstances should come back in abundance. She says, you will never lack anything in life because you are blessed."

Wow. Thanks, Gloria...and God!

Joy

Lest I give the impression that my days are hopeless and filled with tears, let me provide a glimpse of some of the joy in my life these days:

Josiah hugged me this morning and told me that he loved me all the way to the sky. Yesterday, he gave me three kisses and counted them as he went. He is is a big boy but is soft and still has squishy cheeks that I love to smootch.

Madelyn tries to wear skirts and dresses every day and is especially thrilled if they "twirl." She loves all things girly and coloring and crafts. I see more and more of my personality in her these days: she loves to plan and organize and tell people what to do (in a nice way, of course). She wakes up happy each morning, and often her first words of the day are, "Good morning, Mommy!"

Elisha and I are reading the Chronicles of Narnia. One of my favorite time each day is snuggling up with him on the couch to read the next chapter. He is so full of ideas and spends hours building things with his Legos. He is getting long and strong but will still let me hug and kiss him. And he still responds "I love you too" when I drop him off at school each morning.

In the early hours of the morning, each of the kids made their way in to my bedroom and crawled into bed with me. So by this morning, I had the two little ones next to me and Elisha stretched out at my feet. It was not the most restful way to sleep but it may be the sweetest.

I often consider how very blessed we are with a wonderful house, a reliable (and paid for) vehicle, plenty of food, more clothes than we need, a supportive family and friends. I am grateful for the dear friend who cares for my kids and for the teachers who invest in their young lives while I work.

I live in hope, surrounded by peace and full of joy. Thank You, Lord.

Blessings

Heard this song driving home tonight. It brought tears to my eyes, considering the reality of this truth in my own life. It's something to ponder...

Below are the lyrics, or you can listen to the song here.

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Credits :
songwriters: story, laura mixon
© new spring publishing;new spring publishing

Order

I love order: the feeling that one gets when things have a place and when everything is in it's place. Ahhhh...it makes me feel good just thinking about it.

Last week I hosted a jewelry party for a friend which provided a very real and immediate incentive to get my house in order. And I don't just mean cleaning the bathrooms and making the beds. Think consolidating piles of opened (and unopened) mail, school papers, and receipts from the past month or two; sorting, folding and putting away the laundry that often covers my love seat; and paring down the 3 foot high tower of blankets that had overtaken its basket.

However, now that I can see my desk again (not to mention the coffee table and the kitchen counters), I want to maintain it. It is a struggle: clearing out the kitchen sink every night, putting all toys back on shelves and clothes back on hangers. But, it's been 4 days now (woo hoo!) and things still look great.

I am considering having someone over for dinner every week as an extra incentive in case my self-discipline wanes. Let me know if you're interested. ;)

Loneliness

One of the most difficult transitions for me as a single parent has been adapting to being alone. It's interesting that even with 3 kids around I can still feel lonely.

I blame it partly on my personality; I am an extreme extrovert. Being with people makes me feel secure. But it's not practical or possible to have people around all of the time. My friends have their own families and responsibilities.

I complained to a mentor about my loneliness, but instead of offering symapthy, she told me to invite people over...to make new friends. It was good advice, though not what I expected (or wanted) to hear. I have tried it. Inviting "strangers" and aquaintances over. It's intimidating. And vulnerable. And a bit risky. But it's worth it: I have new friends now that I did not have 6 months ago, which is an amazing blessing.

I have also been challenged to practice solitude, to discipline myself to not have to be with people. Rarely, this happens by my choice; more often I call and text and try to find someone to hang out with and it turns out everyone is busy. So, by default, I spend time alone. I wish I could say that I alwyas make the most of this time: reading scripture, praying, journaling. Sometimes, I try to clean or organize or get something accomplished. Sometimes I seek out "community" on Facebook. And sometimes I just watch movies or go to bed.

Regardless of how I feel, I know that I am truly never alone. I wrote the following poem in college to submit to our campus journal. It describes the paradox I often feel and the truth I know.

Alone.

Not really,

Just by myself.

You are here

So there are two:

Together,

Alone.

Escape

Josiah's transition to a pacifier-free life has not come easily. His former bedtime of 7 or 7:30 has morphed into a 7:30 put-him-into-bed-time but a 9:30 finally-give-up-and-go-to-sleep-time. So, I often put him in bed with me, grateful for an excuse to go to bed early myself. We snuggle together, his cold feet sandwiched between my warm legs, and drift off together for an extra-long, worry-free night.

I burrow under the covers, pulling the blankets over my head, but forming a tiny tunnel into the outside world...right by my nose so I can still breathe easily. I love being here: warm, soft, safe. It's my escape of choice these days. No more crying. Just sleep. Disconnected from the thoughts and regrets and "what ifs."

I wonder how long the relief will last. How long until my responsibilities and longing for reality overtake the refuge of sleep. Until that time, I continue, knowing that I cannot to escape from the love of One who knows the pain and offers not just sleep but rest.

Reality

I'm realizing that living in reality can be painful: pain, loss, disappointment, grief. It's a lot to take at times. And then I read about someone who is experiencing (seemingly) more loss than me, and I gain a new perspective. Or maybe it's more of a kindredness, knowing that others are navigating similar emotions.

The great writer C.S. Lewis proposed a relationship between our ability to feel pain and joy. From my experience, I believe he is right. I have loved deeply, and, perhaps because of that, have felt deep loss. But even through the pain God has still brought moments of joy. A different joy, perhaps, than the innocent joy "before loss." One that has known the sustaining grace and faithfulness of God.

For this I am so very thankful.

Better Late Than Never

I believe this year I am less like this poem than ever before.

But it is still good to contemplate.

“The Month Before Christmas”
by Jaena Womack

‘Twas the month before Christmas and all through the town,
Every person was busy – no joy to be found.

With their calendars full and great plans made with care,
They knew that the holidays soon would be there.

I’m all ready to go, with my red Santa’s cap
Though I’d rather hole up for a long winter’s nap!

The family is coming for turkey and pie;
There is work to be done; there are groceries to buy:

Cranberries, plum pudding, mincemeat and hams,
Flour, sugar, eggnog, marshmallows, and yams,

Cashews and pretzels and chocolate for dipping,
And full-caffeine hazelnut coffee for sipping,

I can’t forget ice cream -- six quarts, Neopolitan --
Good grief! I may need a sleigh just to haul it in!

Yes, it’s happened again: preparations gone wild,
And I’m half-Martha Stewart half-Julia Child.

Yet there’s still more to do! Let me show you my list –
I have shopping and wrapping and my kids insist

That we spend one whole day finding just the right tree,
Then we finally select one at least nine foot three

Which we drag to our house through the ice and the sleet…
(Never mind that our ceiling is only eight feet.)

Now it’s off to the mall for a fourteen-hour sale
With holiday coupons received in the mail.

With such bargains around…well, it isn’t too hard
To max out my VISA and Discover card.

So I head for our home with my presents in tow
And if this year is much like the past years, I know

As I pull in the driveway and walk through the door,
I’ll be greeted by sounds of my husband’s loud snore.

My children have fallen asleep on their beds
With clothes still on bodies and hats still on heads.

I grab the remote and turn off the TV,
Collapse on the couch, almost too tired to see…

I’ve run myself ragged with plans so sublime
Now I ask, “What’s the point? Is it all worth my time?”

In the silence I treasure a brief interlude;
My thoughts become clear, and I humbly conclude

That it’s not in the presents wrapped under the tree,
It’s not in the friends or the family you see,

Of course it’s not Rudolph or old Santa Claus,
Or donating money to some worthy cause.

No, it all traces back to the night long ago…
To the mother and child and the story we know

But we often forget as we bustle around,
The true meaning of Christmas can only be found

In the birth of a baby – the long-promised king
Who caused shepherds to wonder and angels to sing.

That’s why we celebrate, though some don’t know,
Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, and so…

What I whisper aloud as I turn out the light
Is not, “Merry Christmas, to all a good night.”

Rather “Glory to God in the highest” and then
“Peace on the earth and good will to all men.”

Crib for Sale

Here are random parts of the crib from random pictures

because my random brain did not think to take a photo

before taking the crib down. Use your imagination. :D

Pics for Keetha

Elisha and his Solar System Puzzle

Some of Elisha's Lego creations

Celebrating Josiah's second birthday - April 2010

Elisha earned some money and I mentioned tithing to him. He was not on board at first and stated that he did not intend to give God any of his money. He soon reconsidered and agreed to give ten percent, so we put it in this envelope which he appropriately labeled "God."

Two-Year Old Talk

Overheard Wednesday in the van on the way home from the sitter's

K: Ma-ee (Maddie)

Josiah: Gacie (Gracie) my sister...Lisha (Elisha) my buther

K: mommy

Josiah: that my mommy. your mommy at home.

K: no. my mama wen (went) hiking. (Which was true...her mom did go hiking.)

So there you have it.

Pics from our Spring Break Trip to the Children's Museum

A Few Things...

First of all, to the two of you who commented on my blog: I am really sorry, but I accidentally deleted your comments when trying to delete the annoying spam comments. Please know that I appreciate your comments and your friendship and would never intentionally erase your kind words.

Second, I have tried a couple of new things this year to help make school and work easier for me and my family:

1 - I select 5 outfits for the kids each weekend and lay them out on their dresser/desk. Each night they (or I) pick an outfit for the next day and have it ready to go so all they have to do is put it on. This may seem silly, but it seems to relieve stress for us, and I do not even have to think about what 3 kids will wear for a whole week. I should try to do the same for me, huh?

2 - I am forcing myself to do one load of laundry a day. It may be a small load, but I am finding that getting in the habit of doing a load a day has kept me up on our laundry. Pretty cool so far.

3 - My new goal is to cook two meals a week. Monday night and Thursday night. Tuesday can be leftovers from Monday or breakfast for dinner, Wednesday we will usually eat at church, and Friday can be leftovers or something easy (sandwiches maybe). This seems less overwhelming to me than thinking of cooking 4-5 times a week. We'll see how it goes.

4 - I refuse to even attempt to dry and straighten my hair until cool weather sets in. The humidity (and rain!) make it impossible to produce good results; and,, let's face it, who am I trying to impress? A room full of 7 year olds? I think not!

That's all for now. Good night.

Finally!

I have been locked out of my blog for a bit; I couldn't remember the password. :) I just got it on the first try tonight. Whew!

I am exhausted from a day at Family Camp with the kiddos, so I will try to load some more photos soon. For now, it's off to finish the juice popsicles and then off to bed! Good night!

Published

I'd like to thank Boo Mama for inviting bloggers to write an article for the Praise Baby Blog; Julie Lamb, who first introduced us to Praise Baby; my amazing brother Joel for sharing his editing expertise, and God for blessing us with three wonderful babies so we could have an excuse to purchase the Praise Baby DVD's.

Go here to read my article. For extra fun Google "praise baby blog" and a quote from my piece is shown with the site. Oh, and a final sidenote: the article was published on my birthday, April 14 - pretty cool, huh?

A Three-Year-Old's Reasoning

After making Madelyn peanut butter on graham crackers, I found her licking her fingers.

Me: Did you stick your fingers in the peanut butter?

Maddie: Yes, you leaved it open for me.